Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Such A Week...

...and it's only Wednesday.

I have had my first porn story published by a new friend and fellow Blogger blogger;
I have had my first porn story re-printed on a private, very specific site;
I have had my first experience with cyber sex as a result of my first porn story.

I'm sorry.  I find this remarkable.

My last blog expressed a fascination with nut tapping, nut shots, ball busting, that sort of thing.  It wasn't that I objected, but I was concerned about what middle school and younger guys were doing to themselves (by having it done to them, not necessarily knowing their nuts were about to punched) and others (by landing one to others, usually without warning).

I'm pleased to say I remain concerned and I've pretty much got over it.  I said at the time that it really didn't bother me when it came to adults or college-age guys or even high school young guys because there's an unspoken informed consent given, apparently, by virtue of being male and alive.  Pain management and tolerance is part of growing up; getting whacked in the balls and not barfing your brains out is what separates the guys who can take it and those who are unprepared.

After I wrote that, I googled more about ballbusting on porn sites.  I included wrestling in the search, low blows, ball crushing, bdsm, that sort of thing.  It dawned on me (after 70 years) that it's OK.  Both guys know what's going on and then they go to it.  Really.  Why not?  Balls aren't just for making babies and neither are dicks.

When I need to work something through, I often write about it.  I'd been toying with an idea of a young guy who was picked on and bullied throughout his school life...until he saw nut punch videos on YouTube.  After a few uses of his new knowledge, the bullying stopped.  The writing blossomed from there.  One of the google searches took me to a site about late-teen and 20-something guys.  I read a couple of the stories.  By the time I'd read "The Ballbusting Olympics," I was pretty sure I'd found a site to my liking.  Plus, it was writing...imagination required.

Once I'd got over myself, I did more looking around and discovered a private site for men who get off on busting balls (buster), having them busted (bustee), or both (mutual).  If you are gay, you know what it's like when you discover that you are not the only gay person in the world, that there are others of all ages and sizes and temperament and interests.  Through this portal (and I don't feel at liberty to name it), I discovered what I already knew, that there really are men who get off on ballbusting.  It's not a 100% gay thing, but the site itself is more gay than straight, a minority within a minority.  I am grateful I was accepted.

I'd also fairly much finished my was about 85 pages in length, god knows how many words, but it also got me off while writing it.  I wrote to the man whose blog it is and asked if maybe he could critique like maybe the first chapter or two.  We connected immediately.  He found a new (well, you know) writer and I found an outlet.  I had to make some cuts and changes, which is one of the neat things about having an editor:  you've been very close to what you've written, whereas your editor is reading it for the first time and sees the holes and the problems and the good stuff.

Although ballbusting has been a fantasy all my life, I never have been able to pursue it as a reality.  Now that I' a certain age, I don't see myself launching a new period of sexual adventures.  For me.  What you do is your business.  But suddenly I am in touch with a man who is interested in my writing, my ideas, and even though I don't have any experience with what I'm writing about, I've kind of figured it out and, hell, it's fiction.  And thanks to the other site, I'm also connecting with other men, most of whom don't mind if I ask what I think are fairly stupid questions.  I feel welcomed.

We did some collaborating and it made its debut Monday, February 20, 2017.  I share it with you and caution you that this is not for those who are offended by gay sex and sexual exploration.  We started with a cast description.  Again, unapologetic male nudity and sexual aggression may happen.  You've been warned.

and then Part One

It was difficult to wait until Monday morning to see it.  Jack had many books of poetry printed and he described waiting for publication day like being pregnant because each book was his child. I had a wall featuring framed rejection letters for my novels and music. It was very much like a kid waiting for her/his birthday to see what s/he gets for presents. Yet I hadn't anticipated the rush of seeing it...there...for all the world to read.

Later Monday night, one of the site admins at the private site re-published it, cast of characters and Part One.  At first I was incredibly excited, but then I started worrying about Alex.  We had the agreement that he would be posting it.  Turns out, he was delighted.  More exposure for me, more exposure for, and he's a member of the private site, too, so no problem.  He still gets to publish first and the private site may or may not continue.

It's been well-received.  There have been comments on both sites and I couldn't be happier.  I've made some friends at the members-only site and this morning someone wanted to chat.  Cool.  I had some writing to do, but it wasn't pressing.  He wanted me to bust his balls in a cyber kind of way.  Well, I panicked.  His profile said that he liked to be busted and listed a couple of things he liked.  I discovered his profile while we were getting serious.  He knew that I had no actual experience with any of this, but he ignored that and kept on.  OK.  I had written some pretty explicit ball bustings in that first part and I guess he thought that was good enough.

Big difference:  When I'm writing, I write a couple of drafts before I'm done.  I have time to sit around and think, "Ooh...this would be painful" and put it into the computer.  When I come back to it, I may have a better idea and re-write.  Suddenly I was with somebody with real experience who wanted me to bust his balls in real time.  No edits.  No re-writes.  Get this guy off.  Now.  I've seen videos and have read a lot, so I started out kind of slowly and got rougher depending on what he had to say...and I have to admire him for doing what I was telling him to do and also keep up the dialogue.  I was a wreck at first, but he seemed happy.  When I got rougher, my hands started shaking.  I felt like he was depending on me.  And it worked.  I don't intend to open a sideline business, but, looking back on it, it was a fascinating experience.  Instant moment to moment creative writing.  I couldn't help but take some pride in that, too.

I am finishing a story for the private website.  The characters are older, not "boys," and I'm curious to see where this may lead.  I have a small backlog of ballbusting stories that I've already raided for ideas and may spruce them up for the guys.  I also want to get inspired to write more for my publisher.  As I said, now that I've got over myself and have accepted a major part of me, I want to get on with it.

Published, re-published, and getting a guy off all in the first three days of my new "career." I could get used to this really easily.